Thursday, 15 January 2009

Life now ...

Things have changed and my hubby is now almost totally dependant on oxygen. The cancer has spread to his lungs and is making inroads into his stomach.

Life now seems to be about managing what we are facing ... damn hard.

My hubby seems to be in pain or discomfort more often than not ... although he is wearing strong 'pain patches' and having regularly doses of oral morphine.

He rarely ventures outside, as the heat upsets his breathing, so he's gone from being an outside person to being confined inside.

His feet, ankles and legs swell to almost bursting ... and this is all part of the this revolting disease, where fluid can no longer be absorbed or passed, as it is with a healthy person.

His shoulder blades poke out like he's been starved ... his arms are so thin I feel scared they might snap. He's thinner than I've ever known him ... and that makes we weep!

He keeps trying to be positive, but it's getting harder and harder.

... but as always there's positives ... and the biggest one for me is that our love is stronger than ever ... but this also makes me cry more, as I can't stand the thought that he won't be a live part of my life for much longer.

I want him
I need him
I love him ...
but cancer is taking him from me
and neither of us know how to stop this!

11 comments:

Katherine (Kate) said...

I'm sorry, Karen. There are no words.

Anonymous said...

I can't even begin to imagine what either of you are going through right now.

I can only say this: treasure the time you have left together, even though it may be so marked by the effects of this illness.

Anonymous said...

Karen:
Thank you for checking in. I am so sorry you and your love are being tested in this painful and heartbreaking way. it must be unbearable being the primary caretaker and having to say your goodbyes in this way.
Your sadness and grief (and by extension, emotional and/or physical exhaustion) make complete sense.
Will look forward to reading your blog updates, and if you need some extra support, please call on me.
Julie
mukijl@aol.com

stephanie said...

Karen,

My heart is with you, but I don't have words good enough to say I'm sorry.

You are continually in my prayers.

Bella In The Bayou said...

From your blog it sounds as though you and your husband are cherishing what time you have together. Please know I am praying for both you and your husband.

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry for your situation, Karen. I hope you your husband can enjoy some quality time and that his pain can be kept under control at least for now.

Clarissa said...

Karen,

Words seem so fleeting when someone is going through what you are with your true love. I would just like you to know that you and your husband are in my prayers and I just pray for peace as you cherish your time together.

Mark, Maree & Sophie said...

Karen, Words are really inapproproate. Our love is with you both.

nabukay said...

Oh man. You are in our prayers, I pray God eases your husbands pain and gives and your family inner strength.

Michelle said...

Oh Karen, my heart is just breaking for you. If I could ease your pain I would in a minute. Enjoy every second you have together.
I'll be praying for you both.
Michelle

nabukay said...

thinking of you...

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